10 Things I Hate about Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story has been out for some time now, and even though the majority of the people love it, I don’t see what the fuss is about. Here is a list of 10 things I loathed about the movie.

1. Bland Characters

This is the biggest sin a Star Wars Movie can have. The classics were so legendary that almost all of the dialogue is remembered and quipped. Even the prequels had some quotable things to say. But Rogue One? I don’t remember any. The only quote which is probably gonna be remembered is Chirrut Îmwe’s “I’m one with the Force. The Force is with me”, which I grew tired of hearing towards the end of the movie.

And why am I bitching about quotes on a movie? Because quotes relate by how much a scene or a character’s viewpoints will be remembered. These characters where so wooden, it reminded me of Padme and Anakin’s acting in the prequels.

Sorry Rogue One, But I will not remember a lot of the heroes. Character’s like the pilot, the guy with the guns, the character Diego Luna plays… didn’t do any new or creative things that stick to your mind. If this movie was stripped of the Star Wars name and recognition, it would’ve be passable at best.

2. Stupid Mom

At the beginning of the movie you can see that Galen Erso didn’t marry her wife because of her intellect. I know this sounds mean, but it’s the truth.

At the beginning of the movie we infer that Galen escapes the Empire with his entire family. I’m guessing that’s not an easy feat, considering he’s a renowned scientist and vital to the Deathstar’s completion. He then settles in an empty moon, makes an escape plan in case the Empire finds them, and when the moment comes, what does she do?

She screws everything.

She confronted and entire team of elite stormtroopers and an admiral, so they couldn’t take her husband. Did she think they were gonna apologize and let them at peace? Was she planning on taking them all down? She just shot Lieutenant Commander Krennic in a non lethal way. It looked like an ouchie moment, only to be shot and killed by a stormtrooper. 

What did she accomplish? The father and daughter witnessed a traumatic event. Jyn becoming motherless at a young age. At least her death served as fuel for Galen Erso to enact his revenge plan.

3. Vader’s Cheesy Joke

Oh Vader, do you want to have a sithcom? It looks like it. Saying things like “Don’t choke on your aspirations” while force chocking Krennic. I know he had said things like that in other installments, but here it felt too much like an episode of CSI: Miami. The pun felt too strong in this one.

A lame pun like this diminishes Vader’s Fear Factor. He just isn’t that much intimidating anymore.

4. Reused infiltration sequences

When Jyn Erso and Cassian Infiltrated the Empire Archives, and donned the clothes of Empire lackeys, I wondered, “is this a tribute to the first movie, or they don’t have any idea how to make a creative new solution to infiltrating the base?” 

I have no problem with knocking out guards an stealing their clothes, they open new tense scenes of suspense on wether they would be found or not, except nothing like that happened.

They just walk around and bam. they arrive where they need to be. The End. 

What’s the point of putting Jyn Erso in those cool imperial clothes, with the batons on her back, if she wouldn’t even use them? I found that incredibly stupid and a wasted opportunity.

5. The Empire’s awful training program

So the Empire has the budget to make a cutting-edge, destructive doomsday machine, but it doesn’t have a good training programs for the stormtroopers? A bunch of them get beaten effortlessly by Jyn Erso, a young woman who trained with some extremist rebels and then on her own.

I don’t find stupid that she is a badass fighter, it’s the fact that the Empire doesn’t have competent combatants that bugs me.

Imagine a platoon of USA soldiers beaten up by a lonesome extremist in hand to hand combat. It just doesn’t add up. Maybe if she had the force or a tactical advantage I could see it, but the only reason is that the Stormtroopers are incompetent.

6. Sci-Fi Technology that’s actually worse than our current technology

I know that the Star Wars Universe is not set in the future. It’s in an alternate world. But why is there such inefficient technology by today’s standards?

Really? You need to manually take out some files on two tubes full of data to send that info throughout space? It seems so convoluted and slow. 

They can make robots with personality but not wi-fi data? 

Also the lasers in this universe confuses me. Sometimes they kill Stormtroopers without making a dent in their armor, but then when Jyn Erso shoots the robot that’s the same type as K-2SO, the blast trespasses his metal body. Sometimes they kill you, sometimes they make an ouchie in the arm? it’s so confusing.

7. Donnie Yen’s Kung Fu

As I said before. I love martial arts and thoroughly enjoy Donnie Yen’s work, but man, there was something that just didn’t click for me in this movie. Martial arts and Stormtrooper armor just doesn’t mix. If feels awkward. That armor should provide some protection, but it doesn’t. They are easily knocked out/killed by it. I would understand if maybe his staff gave an electric shock or something like that. But it’s just a simple stick. Make me feel like the stormtroopers armor is worthless.

Oh wait, I’ve got it. The use of the armor is so that rebels can easily infiltrate their bases. Thats it!

8. Saw Gerrera’s Not Running anymore

Poor Forest Whitaker, he is so tired. Even thought his character had years of fighting the rebellion, he decides he’s done running. He came to the conclusion that It’s time to stop running and face the Empire head on. He then stands up to a huge explosion…and dies…? 

The writer’s could’ve think of lots of ways to make his death hold more meaning. He could say he’s gonna slow them down to let the heroes escape. Maybe some rock fell on his robot legs and he couldn’t move and escape in time. He just had to say he was tired with his worn-out body, and that he was sacrificing for the newer generation. But the way he said it was so weird and out of place.

It’s sad, because I think he had more scenes, but it looks like they were left on the cutting room floor.

9. Gerrera’s Tentacle Monster

“Yeah, we need a scene were a Tentacle monster sticks his slimy little ligaments on the pilot’s head, so the Saw Gerrera’s character knows he is telling the truth. That will leave the pilot dazed and confused in a jail for some minutes until Cassian brings him back to his senses by asking if he’s the defecting pilot.”

Geez, sometimes I don’t get a director’s logic. How was this scene important to the movie? It was clunky and weirdly edited and had tone that didn’t fit the rest of the movie and I didn’t like it.

10. Shooting a Old dude in the back

So the Cassian arc came to a close. In the beginning, we see him shooting an informant in the back, so that he could escape from the Empire. Then throughout the movie he questions the dark things he has done for the sake of the rebellion. Finally, at the end of the movie, at the climax, his arc ends when he shots an old man in the back. Yay for action! Two back shootings in one movie! what a treat.

I don’t have a problem with his scummy methods, but at least make that ending scene interesting. Every other action scene in the end is great, except Cassian and Jyn’s Arc. Just playing dress-up, walking a bit, climbing some database bank and a lil bit of shooting wasn’t that clever.

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Thanks for reading. Till Next time.

10 Things I Love about Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story has been out for some time now, and even though the majority of the people love it. I have some issues with it. That being said, there are some thing about it I love nonetheless. Obviously be warned, as there are huge Spoilers ahead.

1. The Huge Space Battle at the end of the movie

Huge Battle Fleet with a calamari admiral? Check please. Some people have said in IMDB forums and Youtube videos, that the first two-thirds of the movie where boring, but worth the wait for this colossal skirmish at the end. I personally wasn’t bored throughout the movie, but I cherished when the Rebels light-sped Scarif to assist the Rogue One crew. The intense space collision reminded me of my youth, when I got a Gamecube with the Rogue Squadron game as a gift. Relieving those glorious moments was a huge plus for me, and I thank this movie for giving me that.

2. Planet Jedha and the Jedi Lore

I love the mystic mystery of The Force, and apparently other people too. So I love expanding on that part of the Star Wars mythos. the desert planet Jedha (sounds like Jedi. Oh, you clever writers!) was a nice addition as place where the Temple of the Whills resides. This moon boasts a large quantity of the minerals known as kyber crystals. These crystals were attuned with the Force, and where and integral part in the production of lightsabers.

The Fallen statues littered throughout the landscape reminded us of a time long lost, reflecting the decadent state of the Light Side of The Force, which is waning with the rise of the Empire.

It would’ve been great if we could see more of this planet. Sadly it looks like any generic poor/desert planet like Tatooine or Jakku (Star Wars love barren planets apparently). C’mon guys, you’ve got Millions to spend and Creative people by the buttloads, can you make mesmerizing worlds?

3. K-2SO: The robot with spunk

First of all, I’d like to say that I found K-2SO enjoyable. I didn’t love it, but I sure appreciate his presence. He brought spice to the cast. And that’s a weird statement: the robot character giving spice to a ensemble mostly made of humans. What I mean with bringing spice is that it brings a personality that this movie seriously lacks. I don’t mean characters have to be quirky or stupid or Jar Jar Binks to be memorable. But this is one of the few that is gonna be remembered.

No one is gonna say, “boy, I sure liked when the Pilot deserted did ______” or when the guy who was with the blind guy did _______. Because they didn’t have any scene noteworthy. K-2SO was a robot who didn’t follow orders for weird reasons, for example he went to the Holy City in Jedha, not because he was programed to help the heroes, but because he was bored. Also, it was a very reliable ally, deflecting grenades and shooting with more accuracy than most stormtroopers. If the Empire had more of these bad boys on their ranks the Rogue One Rebels who stormed the beach wouldn’t have accomplished half of the things they did.

4. The Dark Side of the Rebels

Forget about Han Solo shooting first, have you seen this guy, Cassian Jeron? He shoots panicked informants on the back! I didn’t have a problem with Han nor with Cassian with stuff like this. But it sure makes the Rebel cause to be a little darker than when they debuted in 1977. Some rebels had to do unpleasant things; things that people like Cassian had to do for the freedom of the galaxy and to stop an oppressive regime.

We’re shown this new facet of our classic heroes…and I kind of like it. Everything is not as black and white as the Jedi and Sith claim it to be. It’s not about Light Side of Dark Side, it’s about each individual’s belief of what they can do to help the galaxy. The question is, will we see more thing like that in future installments of Star Wars?

5. 1977 revisited

Some movies like the 2000’s Star Wars prequels did it wrong. They did a backstory about the world of a Galaxy from far, far away, and they added even more technology. They had more robots, less buttons and more touch-screens, more cloning, definitely more cloning, actually, more of everything. This movie did it right by respecting the original trilogy’s fashion, technology and effects.

Yeah, some people didn’t like CGI Leia or Grand Moff. But I didn’t mind it. Maybe in a second viewing I’ll notice those things more. But I didn’t mind them at all. But they did the costumes right, the control panels right, the look of Darth Vader was also made to look like better, etc. In essence, they got the feel right. If felt like the Star Wars world.

And that is always a plus.

6. Darth Vader show’s us how ruthless and intimidating he is

How many people orgasmed when Darth Vader turned on his lightsaber? According to the polls 8 million people. Twice. Nah, Thats not a true poll. But man that was a cool scene. 

It kinda feels like the final Vader scene was only shown for easy badassery points and nothing more. But thank the Force it was here. You could feel the Rebels distress and anxiety as Vader cut their numbers. Most importantly: it was short and sweet. If it was any longer, it may had lost its appeal.

7. Galen Erso’s Brilliant plan

My favorite and most respected character in Rogue One is the original Rogue: Galen Erso. If it wasn’t for his strength, the Empire would’a won. This guy is forced to build a doomsday device by the people who killed his wife and challenged is morals. He doesn’t even know if his daughterm little Jyn Erso is alive and well. All that pretending isn’t easy, but he prevailed with the help of the idea that permeates the whole movie: Hope.

His plan came to be with a revelation amidst all his tragedy. He realized the Empire would do everything in their power to complete the Death Star, with or without him. So how could he save the galaxy and enact his revenge? Join them and help them in making the most destructive weapon in the galaxy. With a twist. He would design it with a hidden flaw that would damage the entire station. Something so tiny that no one else saw the flaw. The only problem was how to send the information to the rebels. Easily. He “inspires” a cargo pilot for the Empire to defect and betray and put himself in harm to deliver a message.

He did a lot of important stuff, most of the time alone. So Galen Erso deserves my respect.

8. Jyn and Galen’s Relationship

This movie doesn’t have a lot of great character development scenes, nothing memorable anyways. But one idea permeated above all: A father and daughter’s love, stronger than politics and objectives. Jyn Erso wasn’t the most expressive of characters, but when she cries at the scene where his father dies, you just feel it. It’s great that Jyn gets inspired by his fathers resolution and sacrifice, and ends up finishing his goals of sending the schematics to the Rebels.

9. Everybody dies!

This is not the Happy Star Wars Ending that your Grandpa and Granny watched when they where little tykes. In this movie the heroes die. All of them. 

No, there are not little hairy Ewoks Braiding Leia’s hair while everybody parties. No medals for the human heroes with a screaming Chewie on the side. Everyone that made it this far dies, one by one, till the two lasting heroes are left waiting for their demise by the very weapon they’re trying to destroy.

And yet I didn’t feel sad. They completed the mission. They were heroes. They helped in a project bigger than themselves. Each characters arcs resolved. The Empire lost, just like Jyn told Krennic at the end, making the end a satisfying conclusion.

10. The Jedi Wannabe

Donnie Yen is a great martial arts actor. and putting him on the role of Chirrut Îmwe, a blind Force believer monk was weird for this type of darker Star Wars movie, but fun nonetheless. There were things that I didn’t like which I’ll talk about tomorrow.

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Tomorrow I’ll post about the 10 things I hate about the new Rogue One: a Star Wars Story. And boy I had some issues with it. Till next time.